When I was a kid, I read everything I could. My family had a lot of books in the house and my parents would give me books for Christmas and my birthday. For example, we had this series of books called “Golden Guides” that I loved that covered Stars, Rocks and Minerals, Reptiles and Amphibians and many more subjects. 

I wore those books out. Books were a magical and sometimes haunting paradise, where you could journey to foreign lands, learn about people and lives that happened thousands of years ago and the discoveries in science that helped us understand our world better. 

And Then I Met Mean

Naturally, my vocabulary began to change and the words I was reading became part of my speaking. Until one day. Like many kids you don’t think much about who you are or what you do until something happens. I was in grade school and said something and one kid turned and said “It’s Big words Craig.” The balloon just popped. My magical world of ideas and words ran smack dab into mean.

In the beginning, I started changing the way I spoke. Like every kid you want to fit in, you don’t want to be an outcast, you want the other kids to like you. There are some who might say, you were in the wrong school, you should have been homeschooled. If you went to a private school this would not have happened. They were just close-minded jerks. Time for a beat down. 

I disagree. Kids can be enormously cruel to one another and it’s better to face this earlier then learn this later.  The odd thing is,  when I got older, I realized it wasn’t them. It was me. 

What I didn’t understand at the time was that even though I loved those words, they were not actually doing what they were intended to do. Communicate. Your choice in language can have a massive impact on the world around you, and instead of speaking to connect I was just causing confusion and alienation. It was one of the most valuable lessons I ever learned in life and still use to this day. 

“People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.”

— Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

The Inevitable Conflict Between Tech and Language

At one point in my life, I was regularly implementing Salesforce software. There are distinct terms used, for example, when dealing with data management, such as objects, schemas, and data validation. It is expected that you use tech language when you’re with your fellow tech nerds at workshops and conferences. In fact,  not only is it expected, but it is pure undulated paradise. The problem lies in that it is quite another thing when you are working with people who don’t come from that world or are only partially exposed to it. 

This is not a criticism of tech wording, because the term “object” is an extremely important technological concept that permeates programming and data systems. There are entire printed  libraries dedicated to this single term. So if Salesforce chose to use a more generic term designed for customers, it would carry no weight with the tech community. What if Salesforce called it a “box?” Tech people would say “WTF?!” 

But if you start talking about objects, many customers might say “WTF!?” 

Why This Matters

This is the single most important problem you face as an implementer, because if there is little or no understanding on the part of a customer about a particular term, confusion by its nature can cause someone to disengage. The last thing you want in an implementation. 

When I was in college, I had a professor in a C programming class who had a great way of handling this problem. He would say “It’s awfully quiet out there. Either you are all geniuses and are bored out of your mind, or you have no idea what I am talking about.” It was an icebreaker every time and he always got the laugh. It eased tensions and gave students permission to admit they didn’t fully understand the concept and ask for elaboration. 

Humans Don’t Want to Look Bad

Humans do not want to look bad, ever. We spent most of our lives trying not to look bad, and nothing is more capable of quickly making someone look bad than technology. Sometimes you’ll find someone who is totally honest in meetings and will admit “I have no idea what this is, but I know we need it, so take me through it.” A true sign of leadership is a person who recognizes they can’t know everything, and that their job is to steer the ship, not explain the rudder. 

There is a great scene in the movie Margin Call (spoiler). A financial analyst at a major Wall Street investment bank suddenly discovers the firm faces imminent bankruptcy, but no one had caught it earlier.

The bank’s CEO calls a 4 am emergency meeting of the senior partners. 

When one of the upper-level executives starts a complex presentation, the CEO interrupts.   “Just speak to me in plain English.” Then he changes his mind and asks to speak to the analyst.  The CEO directs the analyst to “speak to me as you would to a small child, or a golden retriever. It wasn’t brains that got me here, I assure you.”

Salesforce In Simple Language

So, let’s try out an approach. How would you explain an “object?” to someone who has never heard the term ?  

Well, imagine you’ve just signed the lease on the entire floor of an office building. Even though there is a huge empty space, the floor already has structural things like support beams, an elevator or door to get in, and so on. However, the rest of the floor is wide open, ready for you to build whatever you want. You can make any room you want and put whatever you want in it.  

This is what the term “object” means. Objects are basically rooms you build in the empty space. Consider them as collections of items. 

• In an office, these items can be desks, chairs, filing cabinets, and so on.

• In computing, these items can be name, address, customer ID, and so on. 

How you lay out these office rooms and what you put in them matters. It’s the same thing with Salesforce software.

In addition, your office floor will contain rooms that you must have, such as bathrooms, a kitchen, etc. These are similar to what the tech world refers to as standard objects. Salesforce knows you need them, so they are provided out-of-the box and can be used with minimal additional work.

The example above can be extended outward to many different technological features. The key is to tie complex ideas to simple analogies. 

Give the People What They Want

So, the next time you are sitting in a tech sales meeting and watching a bunch of clients zone out as someone from IT drones on, dropping three letter tech jargon like its candy, what should you do?

Pause the meeting. Turn to the client and ask “What is it you need?” “What are you trying to accomplish?” 

Because, whether you’re in a boardroom with the CEO, or sitting in a lunchroom with the third shift, it’s basically the same thing. Meeting people, getting to know them, sharing yourself, and most importantly, listening. The tech will come along just fine.

The End.

And for the record. One night, years later, I returned to my grade school tormentor’s house and was bellowing a fuselage of emasculating invective, while doing donuts in his front yard.

On my way out I drove over his garden gnome and flipped him the bird.

Just kidding. Maybe.